BREAK UP...

The wind was gentle and cool. The full moon shone brightly in the night sky, enveloping the surrounding area in a silvery white embrace. I was walking bare-footed in the soft sand, beside him, hand-in hand, my palm enjoying the warmth of his. I felt as if I was dancing to the music of the waves lapping against the shore.

What more do I want? I wished this moment would never end. I sighed sadly, reminding myself that by tomorrow at the same time I would be thousands of miles away from here, away from him.

This was where I belonged, with him, beside him, close to him. This was what I wanted, to be able to see his face, his eyes and his smile always. I smiled contentedly.

Who said maintaining long distance relationships was hard? In love, distances never matter! To people in love all that matters is love, trust and a sense of belonging to each other.

The very thought of not being able to snuggle close to him in bed, see him sleeping peacefully beside me when I wake up in the morning brought tears into my eyes. If only he made a promise of commitment, a commitment that would last a lifetime, I would happily give up my career and everything else just to be with him, live with him, make him happy. I wondered when that moment would arrive and I suspected that it was not very far away.

I looked at him. He stared ahead blankly. It was strange because he was never usually quiet. In fact, he had been quiet most of the day and I surely didn’t like it. Something is bothering him.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” I finally broke the silence, and stopped walking, my hand still in his. He started and looked at me with the same boyish innocence that made me go gaga over him a few years back, drove me nuts and resulted in me spending numerous sleepless nights when I first got attracted to him.

But, hold on! Something was missing there today. I tried looking deeper. Something didn’t look good. He is surely hiding something from me. Was it something related to us? Me?

“What’s bothering you? Are you alright?” I asked him half-suspiciously.

“No,” he stammered, “I mean…yes. No!”

“Honey,” I said touching his cheek lightly with my other hand, “what ever it is, you know you can tell me.”

He looked at me nervously. His eyes spoke for me, though his lips didn’t move. Suddenly, something he had said earlier flashed in my mind.

“I had no idea maintaining long-distance relationships is this hard. Why does it have to be this way?” he had said. I hadn’t paid much attention to it back then. But now, I could read the message plainly on his face.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

The implication of the last few words had crossed my mind and I slowly retracted my hand from his, moving away from him, in sheer horror.

“You don’t mean it, do you?” I could barely find my voice. Tears welled up in my eyes. His own eyes grew moist as he looked at me and meekly whispered, “I’m really sorry!”

I wanted to scream at him.

I wanted pummel him.

I wanted to fall on my knees and beg him to give ‘us’ another chance.

I wanted to faint.

I wanted to die.

I wanted to do anything, anything at all that would change his mind.

But one look at his face and I understood that it was all over.

I had traveled for what seemed like and eternity just to see his smiling face, to hear him say, “I love you,” not “its over.” No! I can’t bear hearing him say that!

Oh! How much I wished this was all a nightmare. I can open my eyes and it would be over.

Oh! How much I want him to take me into his arms and say that it was all a joke!

How much I want him to kiss me!

How much I want to hear him assuring me that he would always be there for me!

But, he just stood there staring at his feet like a faulty schoolboy. Why doesn’t he say anything? Does he think that there’s nothing left to say? Well! If that is what he wants, if he thinks he doesn’t need me anymore, so be it.

I quietly moved away as my heart grew heavy, tears streaming down my face and started walking away from him, never looking back at him once.

With every step I took, I felt the distance between us growing, I felt a pain like never before- the pain of tearing myself apart from him. I still hoped he would stop me. He didn’t. As there was nothing else left for me to do over here, I walked into the darkness.