"Only a week from now," I told myself.
Oh my God! It is a week!
Not a day or two!
It is a whole Goddamn week!
Seven days! Seven restless days appended by seven sleepless nights...
"Do all the girls in my situation feel the way?" I wondered.
I wouldn't want to say that I entirely disliked the sudden rush of emotions I had begun to experience these days. I wouldn't even want to say that I liked them.
What I'm going through is a strange mixture of pleasure and displeasure; a combination of fright and tranquility. It is strength and weakness ensembled; enigma and euphoria blended with each other.
Am I nervous? Hell yes! I'm! I'm absolutely nervous! Completely freaked out!
And worse, I started imagining all sorts of absurd things.
Too many questions started ravaging my mind, causing an interminable havoc there.
What if something really terrible happens on that day? What if I trip and fall down in front of him? What if I become unconscious? (and that did seem like a certainty looking at the way I'm going on right now) God! That would surely be a disaster!
What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't find me beautiful? What if he thinks I'm ugly? What if he doesn't like the way I talk? What if he thinks I wont make a good wife for him? What if he is already in love with someone else and has agreed to come here due to the persistence of his parents?
What if he doesn't meet my expectations? What if he is a freak? What if he turns out to be some sort of a lunatic? What if...What if...What if...?
What has happened to my adamantly maintained self confidence and the always accompanying rationality and reasoning? Where had they vanished?
My head started spinning and I collapsed into a chair.
I know nothing about him. I know absolutely nothing. Except for his name, which continually keeps ringing in my ears, owing to my noisy family, who now seem to find immense pleasure in teasing me, taking his name again and again (I'd hate to admit it but, I enjoy it too) and his picture, his awfully nice picture that they had shown me only a few days back, the picture I'd been tempted to steal a look at at every possible opportunity, I know nothing about him. I don't even know what his voice sounds like.
Yet, here I'm unable to think of nothing but him, thinking of how marriage with him would be like. Weird huh? Arranged marriage matches do seem a little weird. But that is the beauty in them.
I'd never foreseen the anticipation and nervousness that has now engulfed me completely. I want to 'fast forward' the time and go ahead of the week separating me from that fateful day. At the same time, I don't want to loose all this waiting and the thrilling suspense. And at the same time, I also want to stop the time here, run away from my house, away from the noise, excitement and laughter, away from the charged air and hide somewhere, bury myself somewhere.
I spoke at lenght to my best friends to quieten my racing nerves. It gave me a momentary solace. But nah! No amount of talk, meditation or efforts to distract my mind proved fruitful.
I need something else, something more. I need to clear my mind off things. I need to sit and think. I need to sit and write.
Well, here I'm trying hard to get myself together, penning down and sorting out all my confusion and my irregular, clogged thoughts... trying to clear my emotional labyrinth!!!
Oh my God! It is a week!
Not a day or two!
It is a whole Goddamn week!
Seven days! Seven restless days appended by seven sleepless nights...
"Do all the girls in my situation feel the way?" I wondered.
I wouldn't want to say that I entirely disliked the sudden rush of emotions I had begun to experience these days. I wouldn't even want to say that I liked them.
What I'm going through is a strange mixture of pleasure and displeasure; a combination of fright and tranquility. It is strength and weakness ensembled; enigma and euphoria blended with each other.
Am I nervous? Hell yes! I'm! I'm absolutely nervous! Completely freaked out!
And worse, I started imagining all sorts of absurd things.
Too many questions started ravaging my mind, causing an interminable havoc there.
What if something really terrible happens on that day? What if I trip and fall down in front of him? What if I become unconscious? (and that did seem like a certainty looking at the way I'm going on right now) God! That would surely be a disaster!
What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't find me beautiful? What if he thinks I'm ugly? What if he doesn't like the way I talk? What if he thinks I wont make a good wife for him? What if he is already in love with someone else and has agreed to come here due to the persistence of his parents?
What if he doesn't meet my expectations? What if he is a freak? What if he turns out to be some sort of a lunatic? What if...What if...What if...?
What has happened to my adamantly maintained self confidence and the always accompanying rationality and reasoning? Where had they vanished?
My head started spinning and I collapsed into a chair.
I know nothing about him. I know absolutely nothing. Except for his name, which continually keeps ringing in my ears, owing to my noisy family, who now seem to find immense pleasure in teasing me, taking his name again and again (I'd hate to admit it but, I enjoy it too) and his picture, his awfully nice picture that they had shown me only a few days back, the picture I'd been tempted to steal a look at at every possible opportunity, I know nothing about him. I don't even know what his voice sounds like.
Yet, here I'm unable to think of nothing but him, thinking of how marriage with him would be like. Weird huh? Arranged marriage matches do seem a little weird. But that is the beauty in them.
I'd never foreseen the anticipation and nervousness that has now engulfed me completely. I want to 'fast forward' the time and go ahead of the week separating me from that fateful day. At the same time, I don't want to loose all this waiting and the thrilling suspense. And at the same time, I also want to stop the time here, run away from my house, away from the noise, excitement and laughter, away from the charged air and hide somewhere, bury myself somewhere.
I spoke at lenght to my best friends to quieten my racing nerves. It gave me a momentary solace. But nah! No amount of talk, meditation or efforts to distract my mind proved fruitful.
I need something else, something more. I need to clear my mind off things. I need to sit and think. I need to sit and write.
Well, here I'm trying hard to get myself together, penning down and sorting out all my confusion and my irregular, clogged thoughts... trying to clear my emotional labyrinth!!!
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