THE REJECTION...

"I'm supposed to reject him," I reminded myself again.
this is not the first time I am rejecting a man's love. In fact, earlier, I had carried off the routine with a handful of men, without any damage- "You are a very nice man. I like you. But, sorry...I am not ready for any sort of commitments right now..." and so on.
But, now, I have this strange feeling that this one is going to be more difficult than the others. Besides the fact that he is my best friend, there is something else- something indefinite, something indefinable that tells me that tonight is not an easy night...
I had been acutely aware of his feelings for me for the past few months, owing to the indications he had been giving me. Somehow, I hadn't taken any of them seriously. Nor did I give them much of a thought as I had assumed that the disaster is a thing of distant future. Unfortunately, it landed very soon- a lot sooner than I had expected.
The meaning was unmistakable and he left me in no doubt regarding his intentions.
"It is about us," he said over the phone in the morning, "meet me tonight."
No sir! commitment is the last thing on my mind, right now... "Sure," I heard myself saying, "I'll be there."
Since then, I could hardly think of anything else. At Lunch too, I could hardly eat anything and now, I'm starved.
"Stop staring at the mirror, you fool," I scolded myself as I brushed my hair again. I had spent more time than usual in front of the mirror, dressing with extreme care.
"I'm supposed to reject him," I said sternly to the mirror. I was satisfied as my voice was apparently firm. But what am I doing all this for? God save me!!!
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He sat there quite comfortably and as soon as he saw me, he stood up with courtesy. He was staring at me, admiring and my heart sank. Damn it! I gave him a smile- a real big one. Stop smiling! Just stop it!!
"You... You look beautiful," he said almost inaudibly, taking my arm. Oh no! I blushed! What the hell am I doing?
He isn't taking his eyes off me and the way he looked at me made me feel weak in my knees. I thought they would give away. I hurriedly sank down into the chair before he could pull it for me.
He ordered everything that I liked a lot. He knows so much about me...my favourite food, my favourite movies...my favourite...shut up!!!
I hardly touched anything as I was too nervous to eat.
But why am I nervous? Isn't he supposed to be nervous?
Look at him...he is so calm, so composed.
And look at me...I am acting like a fool.
"Anything wrong?" he said, touching my hand lightly, "you are not eating anything?"
Yes! It is all wrong! I am not supposed to feel this way...Hell! I am supposed to reject you!!! "No...nothing. It is...ah...I am not hungry," I lied, giggling like a stupid school girl.
He looked at me, concerned. "Shall we dance?" he said, apparently trying to make me feel comfortable. I'm not here to dance with you, young man! I am here to reject you! "Sure."
He took my arm once again and this time, his touch did wonders to me. I was lost...loosing control...I was walking on the clouds!
He led me to the dance floor and gently pulled me closer to him, my arms on his shoulders and his on my waist...there I was dancing with the man I am going to reject, feeling things I had never felt before. God! Don't do this to me!
He looked at me, into my eyes and any Little control I still had over myself was now, completely lost. I was hypnotised...by his charm... by his touch...
I wanted to break free and flee. I wanted to blurt out all that I had rehearsed at home, earlier today- that I don't love him! I don't love him? Is that true??? Don't I love him?
Or do I?? I love him??? "I love you!"
It was a totally different voice. I stopped dancing abruptly unable to believe my ears. He stared at me, dumbstruck. Or was he elated? I couldn't place the expression on his face. But all he did was kiss me lightly and say, "I never thought you would say it."
"Neither did I," I whispered, smiling, as my heart sang happily the new song it had learnt only a few seconds earlier...I love him...I love him...
He kissed me again, this time with passion...setting my heart soaring in the skies... I rested my head on his chest as he drew me closer and there we were...silently dancing the night away!! Just the two of us...oblivious to the world surrounding us!!!!!!!!