THE FLYING TIME...

They bring a smile onto the lips
They bring tears into the eyes
The echo of sweet voices reverberating in the ears
And then, an involuntary and heavy sigh
The time could have stood still, but it just flew by...

That running in the green pastures with their little white blossoms
That ignoring the broken twigs tearing and scratching tiny bare feet
That tripping and falling, being helped up onto the feet again
That squealing joyfully, singing and racing across hand-in-hand
The time could have stood still, but it just flew by...

That pouring over the year's books just one day before the exam
That waiting tensly for the inevitable 'death sentence'
That crying over someone's shoulder dreading failure
That partying hard into the night celebrating success
The time could have stood still, but it just flew by...

That sharing a secret joke across the table strewn with unhealthy food
That burst of laughter at one of the friends, who stared humiliated
That springing of surprises, endless gossiping, dancing and howling into the sleepless night
That tearful farewell, those kisses, hugs, tears and more tears
The time could have stood still, but it just flew by...

That first crush, a boundless attraction, those knowing winks, oohs and aahs
That game of secret admiration, eying one another
That naked bathing in the moon light on an eerily dreamy night
That falling in and out of love and that heart-break
The time could have stood still, but it just flew by...

Those reminiscences...
Just one step back in the past
There are so many of them, to last a life time
Those memories...
Just one look back at the life lived
There are still so fresh unaffected by the flying time

MELODY...

Melody...has its own tale to tell
Sometimes, more eloquent than plain speech
Don't just call it a 'sound'
It is more, so much more than 'just' that...

Sometimes, it is boundless like the ocean
Sometimes, tinier than a liquid drop
It is lucid, warm, spontaneous and natural
It is intricate and elusive, possessing elements of its own...

Whatever the origins, the rudiments are all the same
It can turn mellifluous only when properly sequacious
If not, it becomes noisome
A confusion, a disturbance, a clamor...

It is an embayment of so many emotions
Embalmed with all kinds of live human sensitivities
Technically, it might be read as a careful collection of musical notes
But for you and me, it can mean a lot more than that...

Wide-spread are its capacities and capabilities
Though it comes in through one of the many human senses
It embarks right at the center of the tender heart
Making it fall in or out of love...

It can be inspiring, it can be depressing
It can be arousing, it can be demeaning
It can make you tap your feet and join a joyful jig
It can make you slip into a peaceful repose

It can be soothing, it can be galling
It can be stimulating, it can be ebullient
It can be placid, it can be morbid
It can be whimsical, it can be ludicrous

It can be as passionate as a lover's kiss or as affectionate as a mother's caress...
It can be everything if you want it to be
It can be anything you want it to be
It can still be nothing if you do not want it

It can be a live voice or an meretricious instrument
What ever it is, where ever it comes from
Don't just call it a 'sound'
It is more, much more than 'just' that...

AN EMOTIONAL LABYRINTH...

"Only a week from now," I told myself.
Oh my God! It is a week!
Not a day or two!
It is a whole Goddamn week!
Seven days! Seven restless days appended by seven sleepless nights...
"Do all the girls in my situation feel the way?" I wondered.
I wouldn't want to say that I entirely disliked the sudden rush of emotions I had begun to experience these days. I wouldn't even want to say that I liked them.
What I'm going through is a strange mixture of pleasure and displeasure; a combination of fright and tranquility. It is strength and weakness ensembled; enigma and euphoria blended with each other.
Am I nervous? Hell yes! I'm! I'm absolutely nervous! Completely freaked out!
And worse, I started imagining all sorts of absurd things.
Too many questions started ravaging my mind, causing an interminable havoc there.
What if something really terrible happens on that day? What if I trip and fall down in front of him? What if I become unconscious? (and that did seem like a certainty looking at the way I'm going on right now) God! That would surely be a disaster!
What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't find me beautiful? What if he thinks I'm ugly? What if he doesn't like the way I talk? What if he thinks I wont make a good wife for him? What if he is already in love with someone else and has agreed to come here due to the persistence of his parents?
What if he doesn't meet my expectations? What if he is a freak? What if he turns out to be some sort of a lunatic? What if...What if...What if...?
What has happened to my adamantly maintained self confidence and the always accompanying rationality and reasoning? Where had they vanished?
My head started spinning and I collapsed into a chair.
I know nothing about him. I know absolutely nothing. Except for his name, which continually keeps ringing in my ears, owing to my noisy family, who now seem to find immense pleasure in teasing me, taking his name again and again (I'd hate to admit it but, I enjoy it too) and his picture, his awfully nice picture that they had shown me only a few days back, the picture I'd been tempted to steal a look at at every possible opportunity, I know nothing about him. I don't even know what his voice sounds like.
Yet, here I'm unable to think of nothing but him, thinking of how marriage with him would be like. Weird huh? Arranged marriage matches do seem a little weird. But that is the beauty in them.
I'd never foreseen the anticipation and nervousness that has now engulfed me completely. I want to 'fast forward' the time and go ahead of the week separating me from that fateful day. At the same time, I don't want to loose all this waiting and the thrilling suspense. And at the same time, I also want to stop the time here, run away from my house, away from the noise, excitement and laughter, away from the charged air and hide somewhere, bury myself somewhere.
I spoke at lenght to my best friends to quieten my racing nerves. It gave me a momentary solace. But nah! No amount of talk, meditation or efforts to distract my mind proved fruitful.
I need something else, something more. I need to clear my mind off things. I need to sit and think. I need to sit and write.
Well, here I'm trying hard to get myself together, penning down and sorting out all my confusion and my irregular, clogged thoughts... trying to clear my emotional labyrinth!!!

WHY??!!

Why does the world look so beautiful?
Why is it suddenly filled with nothing but you?
Why was I destined to meet you?
Why was I meant to fall madly in love with you?

Why does a simple 'good morning' from you make me blush?
Why does the sound of your laughter melt my insides?
Why are my days and nights filled with thoughts about you?
Why cant I just get you out of my system?

Why do I always feel like talking to you?
Why do I always feel like listening to your voice?
Why do I miss you even when I'm with you?
Why cant I just get enough of you?

Why cant I even endure the thought of loosing you?
Why do I want to loose myself in your arms?
Why do I feel like living for you?
Why do I feel like dying for you?

Why is it that I cant be yours?
Why is it that I still love you?
Why does thinking about you hurt so much?
Why do I still feel like reveling in the pain?

Why cant I ever hate you?
Why cant I hate myself for loving you?
Why do I keep asking these questions over and over again?
Yet...why cant I find answers to any?

THE PERFECT ARRANGEMENT...

Major part of our country's population is opting for arranged marriages. Reason: I am not sure either, as I am not an analyst or a psychologist. But I guess it is because Indians, many of them, if not all, heart-in heart, do not want to change the age-old traditions. However, I was never interested in a marriage arranged by my parents. It is not that I don't trust them, but it is because I didn't like the idea at all. I always thought love happens, naturally. It should and can never be arranged. And also, what do my parents know about what kind of a guy I want. So, I had set out searching for my 'natural love.' I had tried everything under the sky. I had gone out with a few, had made new friends, I searched faces desperately and even went to the extent of blind dating. But no! I'd never found anyone who had interested me enough for a second meeting at least. My parents, naturally, were worried.
"How long do you choose to stay unmarried?" my father asked me one night, quite abruptly. Such situations were not entirely new to me and I tried to cut him off.
"Listen!" he said, this time, a little stern, "I don't understand what you have got against arranged marriages."
"Dad, I told you this so many times," I tried to reason with him, "it sounds like a business deal and I don't my life to be settled like one."
"If you fee that way," my dad continued, making it clear to me that this time, he is not going to give up that easily, "do you think there is no love in our marriage? Don't you believe that your mother and I love each other. Ours was an arranged marriage, you know?"
But, I was not convinced. "Dad, you lived in a different time. Times change dad. Today, the whole perspective of marriage has changed..." I was about to say something else.
But, my dad snapped, "nothing has changed." Looking at my expression, he seemed to soften up a little. He continued softly, "there is my friend's son..."
"Oh no!" I interjected, "not again!"
"Please," he said more persuasively, "at least, listen to me. We think he is perfect for you. Just meet him once. Just once. If you don't like him, I promise you, I'll never try to convince you again in this matter."
I thought for a moment.
I wasn't sure, for a moment, which one was more attractive- was it the promise that dad made or was it my anxiety to see which kind of a man my parents thought would be perfect for me. I couldn't wait to prove them wrong. After all, they dint know what I actually wanted!
Somehow, what ever the reason was, I agreed to go out with 'the perfect guy.'
I was dressed quite plainly and dint take any special effort to look beautiful. All I was interested in was to get this ordeal done with, rush home and voice my rejection of my parent's 'perfect guy.'
It turned out I was partly right. When he arrived, he neither took my breath away, nor made my heart skip a beat. He was just like this ordinary-looking guy, who wouldn't turn many heads.
"Strike one!" I thought, triumphantly. How could my parents even think we would fit in together? He smiled uncertainly and let his hand out to introduce himself. His grip was firm. But, nah! The handshake was so business -like. And that was what I loathed the most- making marriage a 'business.'
But when he had started talking, a little reservedly at first, and then more openly later, in spite of myself, I was a little amused. And then, he smiled. Hmmm... he actually didn't look that bad when he smiled. In fact, if I had met him at another place, at another time, under different circumstances, I would have called him attractive. But now, he is my parent's choice. He couldn't be that good. Or could he?
As time progressed, I couldn't help enjoying myself more and more. Soon, I became aware of a contradiction to my earlier thoughts shaping up in my mind. He was actually good, very good. What surprised me the most was how much alike we both were. My father wasn't joking when he had said, 'perfect for me.' And until now, I wasn't aware that my parents knew so much about me, so much that they have chosen this man for me.
I couldn't be more sorry when the meeting (or I would rather call it a really lovely date) was over. With all my thoughts turned topsy-turvy, I let him drive me home. I shyly bade him good night and disappeared into my room, without even a word for my anxious parents. That was my ego!
But truly speaking, I couldn't wait for out next meeting, which I suspected wasn't far away.
A few weeks later, one night, after yet another great evening, at my door, he said a little hesitantly, "I should tell you something." I was a little alarmed at the tone of his voice, as I didn't want anything to spoil what we were having. Now, all I wanted to do was to admit to my parents that I was wrong and they were right, absolutely right! Oh! how right they were!
"I was really not very interested in meeting you, in the beginning," he said, evidently trying to put his words carefully and he added hastily, "only in the beginning, not now." He searched my face and said slowly, "I always felt love should come, all by itself. No can can set it up. But, my parents..." I needn't listen to the rest. I smiled and could feel it growing by the time he finished, "I didn't think I would say this to a girl after knowing her for such a little time but," he paused, moved nearer to me, as my heart started beating wildly, "but I think I'm falling in love...I am falling in love with you."
Only a few months later, we were married.

A BROKEN PROMISE...

“We’ll always be in touch,” we promised each other, amidst tears, “we’ll keep meeting every week.”

That was the day when we officially drifted apart.

These were the faces I had been seeing almost every day, for the past few years. These were the people, with whom I had shared joy and pain all these days. These are my friends, God’s present for me. All these years, my life had revolved pretty much around them.

I’d always thought we were inseparable. No one can ever tear us apart. Nothing could ever come in between us.

We were friends- the world’s best friends. I thought. When we had to go on in our separate ways, I was sad, of course! But, did it really matter? We can always keep ‘in touch!’ and also, there was that promise that we’d meet every week.

What I didn’t foresee was that the weeks would turn into months, and months into years. All of us got ‘unnaturally busy’ with our own lives, so busy that days passed and there came a point when we actually lost ‘touch.’ We no longer know what’s going in each other’s lives. The promise broke.

Even today, I keep wondering where all those magical moments had gone, when we all spent blissfully in each other’s company, where all the laughter had gone, where the magic bond that had kept us together had vanished.

Do my ‘friends’ feel the same way? Do they think about me? Do they miss me? Do they at least remember me? I have no way of knowing.

Somebody was so true when he said, “Life is like a train journey.” The person sitting right next to you is just a fellow passenger aboard. He might accompany you till the end of the journey or descend in the middle, and leave you to complete the rest of your journey alone.

BREAK UP...

The wind was gentle and cool. The full moon shone brightly in the night sky, enveloping the surrounding area in a silvery white embrace. I was walking bare-footed in the soft sand, beside him, hand-in hand, my palm enjoying the warmth of his. I felt as if I was dancing to the music of the waves lapping against the shore.

What more do I want? I wished this moment would never end. I sighed sadly, reminding myself that by tomorrow at the same time I would be thousands of miles away from here, away from him.

This was where I belonged, with him, beside him, close to him. This was what I wanted, to be able to see his face, his eyes and his smile always. I smiled contentedly.

Who said maintaining long distance relationships was hard? In love, distances never matter! To people in love all that matters is love, trust and a sense of belonging to each other.

The very thought of not being able to snuggle close to him in bed, see him sleeping peacefully beside me when I wake up in the morning brought tears into my eyes. If only he made a promise of commitment, a commitment that would last a lifetime, I would happily give up my career and everything else just to be with him, live with him, make him happy. I wondered when that moment would arrive and I suspected that it was not very far away.

I looked at him. He stared ahead blankly. It was strange because he was never usually quiet. In fact, he had been quiet most of the day and I surely didn’t like it. Something is bothering him.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” I finally broke the silence, and stopped walking, my hand still in his. He started and looked at me with the same boyish innocence that made me go gaga over him a few years back, drove me nuts and resulted in me spending numerous sleepless nights when I first got attracted to him.

But, hold on! Something was missing there today. I tried looking deeper. Something didn’t look good. He is surely hiding something from me. Was it something related to us? Me?

“What’s bothering you? Are you alright?” I asked him half-suspiciously.

“No,” he stammered, “I mean…yes. No!”

“Honey,” I said touching his cheek lightly with my other hand, “what ever it is, you know you can tell me.”

He looked at me nervously. His eyes spoke for me, though his lips didn’t move. Suddenly, something he had said earlier flashed in my mind.

“I had no idea maintaining long-distance relationships is this hard. Why does it have to be this way?” he had said. I hadn’t paid much attention to it back then. But now, I could read the message plainly on his face.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

The implication of the last few words had crossed my mind and I slowly retracted my hand from his, moving away from him, in sheer horror.

“You don’t mean it, do you?” I could barely find my voice. Tears welled up in my eyes. His own eyes grew moist as he looked at me and meekly whispered, “I’m really sorry!”

I wanted to scream at him.

I wanted pummel him.

I wanted to fall on my knees and beg him to give ‘us’ another chance.

I wanted to faint.

I wanted to die.

I wanted to do anything, anything at all that would change his mind.

But one look at his face and I understood that it was all over.

I had traveled for what seemed like and eternity just to see his smiling face, to hear him say, “I love you,” not “its over.” No! I can’t bear hearing him say that!

Oh! How much I wished this was all a nightmare. I can open my eyes and it would be over.

Oh! How much I want him to take me into his arms and say that it was all a joke!

How much I want him to kiss me!

How much I want to hear him assuring me that he would always be there for me!

But, he just stood there staring at his feet like a faulty schoolboy. Why doesn’t he say anything? Does he think that there’s nothing left to say? Well! If that is what he wants, if he thinks he doesn’t need me anymore, so be it.

I quietly moved away as my heart grew heavy, tears streaming down my face and started walking away from him, never looking back at him once.

With every step I took, I felt the distance between us growing, I felt a pain like never before- the pain of tearing myself apart from him. I still hoped he would stop me. He didn’t. As there was nothing else left for me to do over here, I walked into the darkness.

MY WORLD...

They say life isn't a colorful fairy tale,
It is so full of dirt and way too pale.
Life is not full of mirth and joy,
It is not very beautiful and doesn't always coy.
But me, I'm always in my own dreamy land,
Where things turn perfect with a touch of my magic wand.
It is a graceful little pompous place,
Where things go on at a soothingly slow pace.
In my world, its always spring filled with flowers,
And I never get tired wandering in it for hours.
In my world, no fights for power or riches are seen,
As there is no place for the greedy and the mean.
Here, millions of people are not lain,
With endless screaming, suffering and pain.
There is no blood shed, no wars waged,
There are no masters, no slaves and no prisoners caged.
Here, there is no need to lie,
Nor is there a need to get sly.
There is no violence, chaos or commotion,
All that is here is unlimited freedom, love and passion!!!

IN THE HEART'S CORNER...

I sat at the window looking out of it. The evening forecast had proclaimed a rough whether and the weather was solemn enough to keep its promise. The winds were wild and it looked as if it would rain any minute now. The condition of the whether somehow, matched the tormented thoughts running through my mind. I pulled together my loose hair into a tight knot, simultaneously trying to pull my thoughts together too. I comfortably leaned against the soft cushion and continued looking outside. This was my favorite corner in my house. It had been since I was a very young girl. I looked around, drawing in the familiar sights surrounding me. The walls of my room are adorned with photographs. I had my books piled in a corner. And there was my study table, a witness to all my endeavors to become what I am today. I turned my attention back to the photographs that always reminded me of those sweet memories I'd compiled in the twenty two years of my life- my eleventh birthday, freaking out with my best friends, my graduation day, a fun trip I'd gone with my family and so on... I looked up at the tingling wind chime hanging from the window and smiled, sadly. I loved it, though the others in my family complained about 'the noise that thing makes.' I had always thought that it added a feminine touch to my room. Yes, this was my room, my favorite place in the whole world and this was my favorite corner, at the window, which I'd made with my own little hands, many years ago. I always sat here, thinking and humming the tunes of my favorite songs. Many a time, I slept into peaceful repose here. Now, as I sat here, brooding, a tiny tear rolled down my cheek. Why? I asked myself. Why do we get so much attached to things, lifeless things, in spite of knowing that they are not permanent?
I shook myself out of my reverie. I tried to reason with myself. Its not a time to be sad. In fact, I should be happy now. I'm getting married in a few days, to the man I'd wanted all my life. Yes! I should be happy and contented. of course, I'm happy. I'm excited about the new life that lay ahead of me. Somehow, the thought of loosing all that I'd owned all my life, the things, which I held very close to my heart and the grief that it had brought clouded my happiness and excitement. It'd never be the same again.
Will I ever be able to sleep in my bed again?
Will I ever be able to roam about my beautiful little house, singing loudly?
Will I be able to sit with my very dear family at dinner, laughing, as I'd done all my life?
Will I ever be able to sit on the porch with my friends, gossiping, cracking silly jokes and teasing each other?
No! It'd never be the same again. I let out a deep sigh...
Change is inevitable. I remembered what my mother told me once. Change is one of the most important ingredients of life. It is one of the forces that keeps life going on.
May be, its true! But then, why cant we welcome it open-armed always? Why do fee happy and sad at the same time? Well, I don't know the answer for that. All I know now, is that, whether I like it or not, 'CHANGE IS INEVITABLE!'




Inspired from my home in Dilsukhnagar, Hyderabad

JUST FOR THIS MOMENT

When I reach home after a tiring day,
I see you there, and your never-dying smile
So fresh, so pure, Re energizing and rejuvenating
Its then that I feel that I'm blessed
I'd lived all my life just for this moment...

When you're asleep, peaceful beside me
Far off in your dreams, you blush and you smile
So innocent, so naive, Relaxing and regaling
Its then that I feel that I'm blessed
I'd lived all my life just for this moment...

When I'm in a mess, all worked up
I feel your palm on my shoulder
So bold, so strong, Reassuring and restoring
Its then that I feel that I'm blessed
I'd lived all my life just for this moment...

When you embrace me, let me hold you in my arms
I close my eyes, enjoying your touch
So soft, so near, Reviving and reuniting
Its then that I feel that I'm blessed
I'd lived all my life just for this moment...

I'd lived all my life to see you smile
I'd lived all my life to feel your touch
I'd lived all my life to be loved by you and...
to love you!!!

HATE TO SAY...GOODBYE

You are special, mysterious and so much wild

You are packed with surprises unlimited

Life with you is like a miracle

And without you, it is lonesome and lull

I’d waited for so long now

Waited for your love…

Waited for you to open up

Waited for ‘us' to happen

I’d hate to say ‘goodbye’

But now, I can’t help it…

You seem so close to my heart some times

Yet, at other times, you look like a total stranger

But at the end of the day,

You make me feel so good

Make me realize the truth all over again that

You are my love, You are my life

You are my pain, You are my pleasure

You are my only hope, You are my destiny

I’d hate to say ‘goodbye’

But now, it is inevitable…

Its true…

I miss your laughter

I miss your tender touch

I miss your kiss

Miss all the moments I’d shared with you

I miss your love and…my life

I’d hate to ‘goodbye’

But now, I have no other choice...

BEST ENEMIES!!!

I looked on as the bright lights of the terminal gradually disappeared at a distance. As we sped away from the airport, a sadness swept over me, filling my inside. I felt as if I was loosing something dear. It felt funny. I had never felt like this before about my brother. I tried to focus…

We never had any pleasant times together. It was just that we grew up together, lived under the same roof and shared similar genes. And yeah…we fought, owing to the tiny age gap between us. And we ‘fought like dogs,’ my mother used to say.

A slight drizzle started outside and I felt tiny wet drops sprinkling against my skin. I closed the window and sat back again, thinking.

The rain…we played in the rain as small kids, jumping, splashing water on each other. But somehow, at last, we usually ended up crying or making each other cry. I smiled…remembering the day we fought in rain, doubled up in a muddy water puddle, in the back yard. When my mother found us, she gave us nice thrashing followed by a warm bath and a clean set of clothes. The next day, both of us fell ill…

When it was cold, we snuggled up, close to each other like little cute puppies. But once we woke up, the story repeated itself.

On his eleventh birthday, I had burnt his hand and as a revenge, on my birthday, which actually came only a few days later, he messed up my cake, before my friends came over. Wow! We were enemies!!!

We fought for everything. We fought for our parents. We fought for the TV.

As we grew up and became less violent, the only interaction we had too vanished. However, my brother actually started guiding me, helping me with my studies and career.

I looked at my parents-dad silently driving and mom with her eyes closed, a tiny tear materializing at one end of her eye: she is apparently thinking about her son, my brother.

I was startled and shook out of my thoughts by the vibration of my phone. Clearing my voice, I softly said into it, “hello!”

“Its me,” he said. The very sound of his voice moistened my eyes. God! I’m crying!

“Just wanted to say,” he continued, awkwardly, “I’ll miss you, sis.”

“I’ll miss you too,” I crocked and then less awkwardly I said, “I love you, bro!”

Well, he is my brother and I love him! Of course we never had any pleasant times together. Or did we?!


Inspired from a my best friend's experience :) Thanks Amu for sharing it with me. Luv U!!