Come back home, my dear

The sun dips lower in the sky, taking along my hope

A darkness descends, wrapping my world in its envelope

His arrival I await, at home, sitting at the threshold

Fearing the worst, trying to brave an internal cold

From the darkness emerges a darker form - an unsteady silhouette

I am not sure if I it is my imagination - it sways like a stringless puppet

I look sharply for a sign, any sign that says - no, he has been strong

My heart knows the truth, but I still hope to God - please prove me wrong

As he stumbles closer, the strong whiff is unmistakable

Oh, may be he has just had one or may be a couple

And there are his bloodshot eyes - as red as my sindhoor

The dreadful proof that he had, again, surrendered to the lure

I could just push him off a cliff right now, give him so much pain

I could rip his face apart, beat him black and blue with a cane

I could slap him, cry out to him, scold and cuss

For letting this happen to him, to me, and to us

I stare at him maliciously, witnessing his blood red eyes drooping with shame

For letting his demons get him again, for letting the evil liquid win the game

I weep silent tears aware of his silent cry for help, for understanding and for care

For good or for bad, I am with him and this fight against his addiction, we both share

Official Mistress

‘My lady, your loss is too great,’ she hears a gentle voice

Some compassionate mourner, someone trying to be nice

To acknowledge the greeting, she turns to the side

Yet, surprised she is to find no one there, except for her gloomy aide

Then it struck her, she wasn’t the Duchess, not the Duke’s wife

She has a label ‘the official mistress,’ though she loved him with her life

Mourners glide towards the Duchess, expressing their sympathy

While the mistress gets only awkward glances, disapproving stares, without the presence of any empathy

True! She had not vowed in front of God to be true to him in sickness and health

Yet, she had cared for him, with a heart pure, full of love, and no stealth

She was there for him during his good times and the bad ones too

She belonged only to him, her heart was pure, and her love was true

Now near the grave, the Duchess stands with her son, out of duty

A perfect widow, a picture of grief, yet manages elegance and beauty

She was the wife of a Duke and is now the mother of one

She looks at the mistress, her eyes mocking, ‘See now, who has won!’

Consoling herself that she has not yet lost everything

The mistress pats lovingly her belly, the only thing to which she has to cling

So what if she is the Duke’s mistress and what if she does mother a bastard

She walks out of the grave, holds her head high – a skill that she has, by now, mastered


Inspired from The Tudors - The plight of Charles Danton's mistress

Stranger in her Bed...

Her eyes full of sorrow, a part of her heart weeps, as she leaves behind her
Everything she's owned, everybody she knew - mother, father, sister, and brother
Yet, a larger part of her heart rejoices, as she knows that she now begins a life brand new
She looks with awe at her new husband, thinking she's among those blessed few

As her first day wears on, she looks from the corner of her eye for a sign from her better-half
She cannot follow him, as million eyes follow her, seeking for a serious gaffe
Treading carefully, slowly, she hovers around him, follows him like a shadow
Though he doesn't look at her in the eye, she can now see, plain and clear, his countenance is hollow

Women surround her, decorating her like a doll, they taunt her about 'the night' and giggle
They lead her to the room noisily, they laugh, tease, and tickle
The night approaches fast, her heart beats faster, as she senses her anxiety grow
He just stands there, not even glancing her way, why? the answer she doesn't know

Suddenly, it turns dark and she feels faint, as he undresses her and into her bed he climbs 
No love, no gentleness, like a blood-thirsty monster, onto her, he looms
As tears spill out, she bites her lip, bleeding it, stopping herself from screaming out in pain
She thinks the worst is over, and then she hears him screaming another woman's name again and again

Her eyes well up and tears warmly trickle down her face, which is now savaged 
She lay there, like a ragged doll, her heart broken, her body and soul ravaged
Her home, her life, and her dreams, all destroyed by a stranger in her bed
Is there no way out of this misery? Or is she as good as dead?

Letting Go…

She lay on the bed, weak and cold

Spending her last few moments in this world

And I try to prolong the life of her frail failing body

Making futile attempts to find some kind of remedy

She looks at me, her eyes all moist and hollow

They are begging me, ‘It does not work. Just let go!’

Her eyes say it all, though she doesn’t make a sound

She is writhing and wheeling in a pain too great and profound

But I can’t just give her up, can’t let her leave so soon

I am rather much used to her presence and not ready to feel this alone

A voice in me whispers in warning, ‘You are being selfish,

Foolishly believing in some miracle, some obscure life-saving fetish’

Now when I look into her eyes again

I am alarmed, as in them, I find a fierce rain

Red as blood, they are full of fury and extreme hatred

That look that I always avoided and dreaded

‘Let me die,’ she commands with her eyes

Transfixing me with that gaze of hers, filled with malice

In that stare, I see a murderous rage that pain brings

That demand to be freed from all the agony and worldly ailings

I pause and fixing my gaze with hers, I take a step backward

Lost in thought and retrospection and also a little bit scared

Even on her death bed, she is still the keenest

She does not miss my twinging in the least

As she sees me now, I see her look soften

She comforts me, ‘It’s OK. These things happen

Anything which has a beginning, has an ending

And surviving with that absence is all a part of learning'

Warm tears scour down, giving up

Releasing and delivering me from all the meaningless hope

As her dark eyes close slowly forever

I etch her face permanently in my mind – a memory that would part with me never

In favor of the practice of Euthanasia - mercy killing... Sometimes, giving up hope helps put your loved ones out of pain!

YOUR WRATH...

I finally took the courage to look at you
It has been so many days, but the pain was still there, clearly written on your face
Just one careless sentence and I broke your heart
Oh! What have I done?
I looked at your eyes, they were still raining fire
You looked back at me, as if daring me

I know not now how to take it back
Oh how I wish I had never said that !
How I wish we could go back to what we were!
How I wish I had used my head back then!
How I wish I could turn back time and change it all!
And Now, as I look at you, I still know not how to make amends

I want to say sorry
But I know it is too small a word to express my regret
Too small to disclose the war that is being raged inside of me
I swear I had never hated myself more
I couldn't look at you anymore and dropped my eyes, bent my head again, like a guilty prisoner
Guilty, I was! Guilty as hell!

I wanted to fall on my knees and beg for your forgiveness
But it was as if my knees are made of stone and
My voice got stuck in my throat
Oh please don't look at me like that
I feel like running away, I feel like dying
I feel like filth for hurting you

Oh please don't walk away like that
Please talk to me, please look at me
With those eyes piercing through my heart
So hard that I could feel the pain
All I need is to ask for another chance and
It wasn't supposed to be so hard

I gathered enough courage to croak, "mom"
Awkwardly, cowardly, feebly and shamefully
You looked back, still looking at me as if daring me
I deserved it and I knew it
So I went on, first stuttering, stammering and unsure
Looking here and there, avoiding those eyes of yours

But when I did glance at your face, I knew
You had been waiting for this, as much as I did
Now I looked straight into your wet eyes
I apologized, with moist eyes, I asked you for another chance
You smiled, the fire long gone from your eyes, with love and reverence in its place
As for me, I felt so light, so light that I thought I was floating in the sky!