Going Back Home...

Their eyes twinkle when they see me. I am aware of their hearts leaping with a bittersweet ache, for here, my own heart reacts similarly. All of a sudden, I forget that I am a woman, all grown-up. I go back in time, becoming a little child all over again. I fly straight into my mom’s arms, just like how I always did, when I came back from school. I embrace my dad, just like how I used to do every evening, after he came back from work. The tears which follow are inevitable. Only when I look at them now, do I realize how much I miss them…

It jumps onto me and licks my face entirely, the moment it catches my scent. Though it does not have a mouth as large as mine, I know its heart is screaming noiselessly. The poor creature does not even understand why I had to leave and tend to myself. All of a sudden, I forget the fact that I had been away for so long. I play with it, allowing it to pull me and push me as much as it likes. The tears which follow are inevitable. Only when I look at it, do I realize how much I miss it…

They come in bustling, as noisy as always, and give me bear hugs, rough and playful, just like how they used to be when we had lived together under the same roof. All of a sudden, I forget that we don’t do it any longer. I join them in the loud laughter, the ear-splitting music and awkward dancing, without any restraint, without a shame. These are my siblings, who knew my most embarrassing secrets. I am aware that their feelings and thoughts at this moment are the same as mine. The tears which follow are inevitable. Only when I look at them, do I realize how much I miss them… 

My old room is just the way I had left it. It’s just that it felt a little empty now, as all the stuff that I really cared for; I had carried off it with me. Yet, the moment I step in, I feel as if the room has come alive. All of a sudden, I forget that it is no more the room I used to dance in, without a care in the world, without inhibitions. Automatically, my feet move and I do a jig, just like how I used to do frequently. I still have my privacy in this little hub of mine. The tears which follow are inevitable. Only when I look at it now, do I realize how much I miss it…

 They giggle and grin, as always, when they look at me. We hug each other and tease each other. Someone has her hair too short. Someone has grown a paunch. All of a sudden, I forget that we hardly hang out these days. We relentlessly pull each other’s legs, just like how we used to do, when we hung out, every day, without fail. These are my friends, who had been with me, through thick and thin, crying over my shoulder when they needed it and offering me their shoulder, when I needed it. For now, here we are reminiscing past memories. The tears which follow are inevitable. Only when I look at them, do I realize how much I miss them…   

Woes of a Mother...

Of the whole creation am I a wonder

There’s no one else like me, where ever you wander

I’m a perfect balance of the heat and the cold

I’m the envy of any other world

Of the whole universe am I the queen

Within me, my equerries convene

The enchanted five some - air, water, fire, sky, and earth

Perform their magic and create the precious breath

My child, my prince is the apple of our eye

“Life” we call him, since within him our lives lie

For him, all my love and care I gather

For I love my offsrping, just like any other mother

Together, my ladies and I nurture him with all the care in the world

Seeing a wonder, seeing him mould

Proud and surprised I am at his intelligence

Longing for his escalation, I offer him fortunes immense

Swift and ambitious as he is

Quick is he to seize his opportunities

He works, builds, and he grows

He toils hard through highs and lows

Before long, he begins conquering worlds far-off

He grows more determined, he just cannot have enough

Without restraint, he plucks the fruit I bear him

With them, he fuels his never-ending dream

In front of my eyes, he converts

To suit himself, my treasures he diverts

Now, he destroys rather than build

Making me bitterly realise that he is a child gone wild

He tears me apart, hurting me slowly

Plunging knifes into my body maliciously

He now has no sympathy, no rest

Kicks me till I bleed, in my breast

He claims me now, he has forgotten to ask

I try to stop him, but it’s no longer an easy task

He treats me less like a mother and more like a whore

How much ever I give him, he wants more and more

Finally, I’m tired and withered

My entire body is blood-smeared

And try as I might

I can never show my son the light

Just before my eyes close

I see something much worse

Bleeding to his death my son lay

In front of my eyes he is wasting away

YOUR WRATH...

I finally took the courage to look at you
It has been so many days, but the pain was still there, clearly written on your face
Just one careless sentence and I broke your heart
Oh! What have I done?
I looked at your eyes, they were still raining fire
You looked back at me, as if daring me

I know not now how to take it back
Oh how I wish I had never said that !
How I wish we could go back to what we were!
How I wish I had used my head back then!
How I wish I could turn back time and change it all!
And Now, as I look at you, I still know not how to make amends

I want to say sorry
But I know it is too small a word to express my regret
Too small to disclose the war that is being raged inside of me
I swear I had never hated myself more
I couldn't look at you anymore and dropped my eyes, bent my head again, like a guilty prisoner
Guilty, I was! Guilty as hell!

I wanted to fall on my knees and beg for your forgiveness
But it was as if my knees are made of stone and
My voice got stuck in my throat
Oh please don't look at me like that
I feel like running away, I feel like dying
I feel like filth for hurting you

Oh please don't walk away like that
Please talk to me, please look at me
With those eyes piercing through my heart
So hard that I could feel the pain
All I need is to ask for another chance and
It wasn't supposed to be so hard

I gathered enough courage to croak, "mom"
Awkwardly, cowardly, feebly and shamefully
You looked back, still looking at me as if daring me
I deserved it and I knew it
So I went on, first stuttering, stammering and unsure
Looking here and there, avoiding those eyes of yours

But when I did glance at your face, I knew
You had been waiting for this, as much as I did
Now I looked straight into your wet eyes
I apologized, with moist eyes, I asked you for another chance
You smiled, the fire long gone from your eyes, with love and reverence in its place
As for me, I felt so light, so light that I thought I was floating in the sky!

I'M A MOTHER...

The moment I took him in my arms, the wailing stopped. It was replaced by a soft mumbling. He seemed to feel at home. The wrinkles on his face gradually softened, the frown between his eyebrows unknotted and his features registered a look of peace. He looked happy and at peace with the world. Tears ran down my cheeks as I realized that he actually knew the feel of my touch. He moved his tiny limbs feebly, unlike his earlier frail attempts to kick them frantically in the air. I didn't even know how long I'd held him. I watched on as the world's most beautiful thing fell asleep in his mother's loving arms. Right then, I knew that he is the most important thing in my whole life and the best thing that had happened to me.

We were together almost all the time. My thoughts, my world, my everything spiralled down, centered around him. I spoke with him, even though people reminded me, "he is a little baby. He wouldn't understand a thing." I paid them a deaf ear. "My son is far more intelligent than they know. He understands everything I say," was my stubborn notion. I played all sorts of silly games with him. I had spent every waking moment with him, marvelling at him, thinking what I'd done to deserve this wonderful gift. And when I slept, I had him beside me, held on to him, afraid to part with him even for the fraction of a second.

His first word was 'ma', like I'd always known and imagined and my dear little boy didn't disappoint me. The sound was like music to my ears, the sweetest thing I'd ever heard till date. I could not stop crying the whole day.

He took his first step and I clapped and jumped, pride filling my heart.

He curled his tiny fingers around mine when he slept and I thought, "I'm his saviour."

He fell down, got hurt and I felt a piercing pain that seemed to tear my heart apart.

He cried if he didn't find me beside him when he woke up and I felt happy that he missed me.

He went off to school and I missed him terribly.

He brought home an ailing puppy one day and nursed it back to health and I was moved at his kindness.

He brought home a trophy another day and I was proud of his achievement.

And then...

He brought home a couple to his buddies and I knew his horizon was expanding.

He never seemed to be alone, and I understood that there are other people in his life now.

I dutifully packed his lunch boxes. which were mostly returned uneaten and I struggled to make tastier food for him.

I quietly looked on as he drove away to parties with his friends.

I craved for his company as he hardly stayed at home now.

My heart leapt with joy when he occasionally smiled at me or when he gave me a peck on my cheek.

I wished I could be like one of his friends, and I could have some of his time. I tried to bridge the generation gap between us.

And one fine day...

He brought home a beautiful girl said, "Ma, I'm in love. I want to marry her." I looked at his innocent face and suddenly realised how quickly time has passed, how big my boy has grown. This was bound to happen and I knew it. I had always wanted it to happen. Yet, it wasn't altogether clear to me if I was happy or sad.

I was overwhelmed that he would now be a man, have a family, a wife, kids and all. Yet, the thought that another woman became a lot more important for him made a lump form in my throat. Does he still love me? I fought back tears- I wasn't sure if they were happy tears and plastered a smile across my face to show my assent, lest he would become upset with me. I felt silly, like a stupid little girl.

Joy twinkled in his eyes as he came closer to me and gave a peck on my cheek, whispered in my ear, "I love you ma. You know you are the best!" He looked at me, gratitude in his eyes. Of course, my approval does matter to him. He does love me, my dear boy!!! The best son anyone could ever have!!!

I smiled and this time, I'm smiling with pure bliss!!!

Inspired from one of the most loving mothers I had ever seen (my mother-in-law)

WHY DO WE SHED TEARS?

Why do we shed tears?
A doctor says that tears are some sort of secretions of Lachrymal glands present at the base of your eyes.
A chemist says that tears have anti-bactericidal enzymes that protect the eyes.
But, are they just that- some salty drops of water oozing out of eyes, keeping them safe?
May be not...
A mother sheds tears, while dressing the bruises of her child...that is love.
A father sheds tears, when his child receives a trophy for his hard work...that is pride.
A teen-aged girl sheds tears watching an incredibly romantic movie, looking at the girl in absolute bliss, in the arms of her man...that is fantasy.
A lover sheds tears, when she terribly misses the love of her life...that is yearning.
A student sheds tears, when he flunks an exam...that is failure.
A new bride sheds tears, while leaving her loved ones behind to follow her husband into a new life...that is affection.
A wife sheds tears, when she can't reach her husband and for no apparent reason, he isn't home yet...that is concern.
An old woman sheds tears, when her son finally comes back to her to take care of her...that is joy.
A prisoner sheds tears, when he realizes his mistake...that is regret.

Tears are with us in every walk of life, accompanying every deep feeling.
They show how much we love or care. They show how happy or sad we are.
They lighten our mood, make us feel better, while going through a tough period.
Tears are not something to be ashamed of. They are not a sign of weakness, but of emotion and passion!

ARCHAIC ROMANCE...

"We'll be back soon, mom!"
"See you grandpa"
"Bye, granny"
I stood there, on the porch, waving happily. He stood beside me, doing the same, smiling. My bigger children sauntered down the walkway, noisily, chatting, joking and laughing as their children- my grandchildren skipped and hopped around their respective parents. The air was charged and lively. I just caught a glimpse of my youngest daughter, who was now eight months pregnant, clasping her husband's arm as he led her on slowly and my eldest son slapping the youngest one playfully on his back and the whole group erupted in another fit of laughter, as they rounded the corner and disappeared.
Silence...
I stood for a few seconds looking at nothing in particular, smiling contentedly and turned to him to make some remark on how nice our kids had turned out to become. But the porch was empty. He was gone. I hadn't realized when he had gone in, so noiselessly. Didn't he share the wondrous sight i had just enjoyed? Or didn't he care?
A not-so-uncommon remark of my feminist sister crossed my mind. "Men," she said, "are emotionally dead human beings."
I walked back into the house, into the bedroom, deep in contemplation, to check on the twins. The twins- a boy and a girl, only a few moths old, belonged to one of my daughters. They were left behind under my care. The original plan, an evening walk for my pregnant daughter and her husband, when materialized, embraced everybody else, leaving out the two too young and two too old people in the house.
I stared at the twins sleeping peacefully, marveling at them, when I spotted a faint smile on the boy's sleeping face. I was overwhelmed. I hadn't noticed it earlier, but my grandchild had the same smile- the smile I had grown addicted to, after all these years. It was 'his' smile. Now, I looked closer searching for any other similarities between the little boy and his grandfather. There was a sound outside and when I turned back, I realized that it was soft music. As the much familiar notes filled the air, I sprinted into the living room. It was a mess-ribbons, balloons, remains of food strewn all over. The huge banner screaming, "WELCOME INTO THE FAMILY, TWINS!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!" was half trailing on the floor, its other end still managed to hang on to the temporary support on the wall. Amidst all this turmoil, he stood there, as if unaffected by it, oblivious to it, his eyes on me, smiling. Looking at his smile now, I was surer that it had passed on to his grandson.
"Remember the song?" his voice barged into my thoughts. Of course! Could I ever forget it? This was the song we loved to dance to. This was the song we had first danced to. Hell, this was the song we had ever danced to. But it was so many years ago. Back then, I was young, energetic, beautiful. Now, I was old, tired and well... not so beautiful.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice when he had walked towards me and stretched out his hand and said the famous words, "Ma'am, dance?" His first words I'd ever heard, many years back. Then, I was a lot shy and hesitant. Now, though I was shy, I was sure and happy to oblige.
He gently took my hand, placed it over his shoulder and I buried my face in the hollow of his neck, feeling against my cheek, his steady pulse-a contradiction to an erratic one, back then. I felt his arms tightening around me, the same way as they had always done, as if protecting me from the world. The strength of his embrace was still the same. He held my palm against his and out fingers locked as we gently rocked to and fro to the rhythm.
I looked at his fingers and the back of his hand. The skin was wrinkled. I smiled. He was old! Who am I kidding? Am I growing any younger? I looked at his face and eyes were looking at me as if questioning my amusement. I kissed him on his cheek and said in whisper, "I love you, old man."
He smiled. "I know," he said and touched the tip of my nose lightly. I immediately wrinkled it, involuntarily, something in which, he found a great amusement. He laughed out loud and said, "you are cute" and I blushed.
It was all the same. All these years passed by and changed so much in our lives. The only thing that was left untouched was probably the way we felt for each other.
There were times when we had fought for each other, there were times when we had fought against each other.
There were times when we'd wanted to take a break from each other, there were times when we'd wanted to take a break from the world, to be alone with each other.
Some times we'd drifted apart from each other. But then, at the end of the day, we'd come home to each other.
We had laughed together, enjoyed the happy times together.
We had cried together, found solace in each other's company during the hard times.
All that we'd faced together had only succeeded in strengthening the bond that we shared. Nothing could ruffle it. Nobody could meddle with it.
I danced with him as always, losing myself in him, losing track of time.
I was shook out of my thoughts when I heard a noise.
"Looks like the kids are back," he grumbled, impatiently. I smiled and said slowly, still holding him tight, "I thought of cleaning up this mess before they came home."
He immediately broke away from me. " Don't ask me to help. I'm tired." And off he went. I gritted my teeth as I remembered another one of my sister's frequent remarks. "Men," she said, "are the laziest class of human beings."

THE PAIN AND THE PLEASURE...

I was tired- very, very tired. In fact, I was never so tired in my life. Every part of my body was throbbing and aching, bringing back the memories of the dreadful experience I just had.
Dreadful-was it? Yes. And not just that, but more than that. I had never known that such a pain existed and even if it did, I didn't think I would endure it and still be alive.
As I recollected it, a chill ran down my spine and I was shivering. I could sense a batch of fresh beads of perspiration on my forehead.
I fought with myself, trying hard to stay awake. But my eyes, in spite of my anguishing cries from within, persisted. They wanted to close.
I was waiting, waiting desperately, fighting with myself to stay awake. Unfortunately, the wait turned out to be longer than what I had anticipated. It was only a few minutes-I learnt later. But I felt it was the longest wait of my life.
Finally, I saw it. There it was completely and neatly wrapped up and small.
My arms barely had any strength. Still, I took it trying very hard to steady my shaking hands, trying to silence the tremors all over my body.
Then, I looked at it. The very first sight of it whisked off rapidly all the pain and exhaustion I had felt till then. I was smiling, smiling out of pure happiness. And whats more-I was very much sober, wide awake.
It was undoubtedly, the most beautiful thing I had ever set my eyes on. It made me so happy that I felt like screaming out and jumping with joy. I was on cloud nine.
I loved it...Yes, I did...May be, this is what they call 'Love at first sight'. I smiled again. My love for it is fierce and protective. 'I would never let it go through any harm-never!' I swore to myself. Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at it again and again, afraid to loose it's sight even for the briefest moment, at the calm and serene beauty of the small, deeply set eyes, small tightly shut mouth and the small fidgety limbs of my First Born!!!!

JUST A MOMENT....

When was it you have last told your spouse that you love him or her?
When was it that you have last sat with your siblings roaring with laughter at all the silly things you had done as kids?
When was it that you have last hugged your parents and told them that you still cared for them?
A few days ago?
A few months ago?
A few years ago??!!!
Man is a social animal. His relationships with the people around him are one of the most important needs for him and it is these relationships that make him different from the other animals inhabiting the earth. To establish and to maintain them, man needs LOVE, PASSION, EMOTION...The three delicacies of life that add flavour and fullness to it, making his life complete. Without them, he leads an incomplete and dull life.
Often, he fails to realise this in his never ending pursuit of riches and power. However, at some point of time in his life, when he gets tired of the non-stop running after materialistic things of the world, when he pauses and looks back, what it is that he finds? Has he been living a 'real' life? May be not...He realises that he has just been living, but he had never felt life, because life is nowhere present in the materialistic things in the world. He gets filled with an unknown emptiness, a vacuum, a nothingness, which is far more depressing than anything he had ever experienced.
How does he remedy this? all he has to do now is just try to bring out the flavour in life, try to fill his life with love and passion, renew his relationships with the people around him and finally.....
Live a contented and happy life full of bright colours!!!!!